From Ward Cleaver and Mike Brady to Homer Simpson and Tony Soprano…
Tv Dads Say The Darnedest Things.
“Son, let this be a lesson to you: never do tequila shooters within a country mile of a marriage chapel.”—Al Bundy, Married with Children
Let’s face it: Fathers seem to have something to say about pretty much everything. Whether the subject is love or dating, friendship or food, death or divorce, TV dads are no different than their real-life counterparts—except for the commercial breaks and mute button. Either way you can always count on dear old dad to dispense his nuggets of wisdom, for better or worse. Here, collected for the first time, are the greatest lines ever spoken by America’s favorite TV fathers.
“Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals…except the weasel.”—Homer Simpson, The Simpsons
“If you don’t finish your crud, you’re not gonna get any crap for dessert.”—Dan Connor, Roseanne
They’re all here: Ben Cartwright of Bonanza, Ricky Ricardo of I Love Lucy, Jim Anderson of Father Knows Best, and other classic dads of the fifties and sixties; Archie Bunker, George Jefferson, Fred Sanford, and other straight-talking father figures of the seventies; put-upon pops like Tim Taylor of Home Improvement and Al Bundy of Married with Children; and the new, not-necessarily-improved but always honest parents like Homer Simpson, Tony Soprano, and Ray Barone of Everybody Loves Raymond. So settle down and listen to your father. Because you never know—he just might be right…some of the time.
“Now, get outta here before I shove that quotation book up your…”—Tony Soprano, The Sopranos
Includes more than 500 quotes from your favorite TV shows!
Tripp Whetsell is a New York-based TV historian, entertainment journalist, and critic. A frequent contributor to the New York Daily News, The Los Angeles Times, The Hollywood Reporter, and the New York Post, he has also been published in The New York Times Book Review, Time Out New York, and The Boston Globe, among many others.