In this hilarious and heartwarming new novel, Pat G’Orge-Walker of Gospel Today Television returns with the parishoners from the Ain’t Nobody Else Right But Us—All Others Goin’ to Hell church, while introducing another congregation of crazy characters from the No Hope Now—Mercy Neva house of worship. When Sister Betty sets out on a charitable mission to deliver three million dollars to a religious conference, can chaos—and laughter—be far behind…?

Mother Eternal Ann Everlastin’ was so good with the smooth words that she sometimes surprised herself. She adjusted the microphone again and for about the fifth time since the program started, she pulled something from another silver-foiled wrapper and slipped it into her mouth.

“I have one other announcement to make. Some of you may know and then some of you may not have read the church bulletin with big, bold black letters across the first two pages. Today is my seventy-first birthday.”

The organist, Brother Juan Derr, started pecking out “Happy Birthday to Ya” and he did it in all 88 keys plus a few more that weren’t on the organ. The congregation, led by Sister Petunia, sang their well wishes.

Mother waited until the very last chorus and then gave her best pretend blush, and said humbly, “Y’all are so sweet. I thank God that He’s kept me this long and I just know in my heart and soul that He’s gonna let me live to see 100—“

And then it happened and it happened very fast. Suddenly, without warning, Mother grinned and started babbling about how she was starting to have a vision. She said, “I feel the sensation of cold air. I believe the Lord is showing me a snow-capped mountain and I-I feel sun rays caressing my hair and the wind blowing through it. I hear the beautiful birds chirping. I-I feel a sensation like I’ve never felt before. God is givin’ me a vision—”

She suddenly grabbed for the cash register that was nailed between the pulpit and the Collection table, leaned over, and fell on top of it.

The glint from the mysterious silver foil wrapper could be seen falling to the floor from Mother Eternal Ann Everlastin’s hand…

Spiritually uplifting and knee-slapping funny, Pat G’Orge-Walker’s wildly popular books featuring Sister Betty and her fellow parishioners serve up a heartful of faith along with a generous dose of humor. Now, she’s at it again with another outrageous adventure featuring the characters of the Ain’t Nobody Right But Us—All Others Goin’ to Hell Church. As they bicker and scheme their way to a religious conference in Baltimore, they just might discover what really matters most…

Sister Betty hasn’t gotten to sit and fan herself for long before she’s off on another “Mission from God.” It seems that her good friend Mother Eternal Ann Everlastin’ has died suddenly on her seventy-first birthday from the overdose sensation of eating a York Peppermint Pattie. And just as suddenly, Sister Betty is charged with seeing to her friend’s final wishes, namely, traveling to Baltimore to deliver three, one-million dollar checks to three different mega-church pastors who are attending a huge religious conference there. Setting off in a limo with her no-nonsense, snuff-dipping, half-blind sidekick Ma Cile; Mother Eternal’s alcoholic nephew, Buddy; and a driver named Mr. Tiny won’t just test everybody’s religion and nerves; it’ll be a blessing if they don’t kill each other on the road.

But that’s not the only trouble brewing. When the Reverend Knott Enuff Money hears that Sister Betty is about to secretly give away a substantial amount of Mother’s riches, he wants in—even if he has to follow them all the way to Baltimore, with the equally selfish Brother Tis Mythang, Bishop Was Nevercalled, and Sister Ima Hellraiser bringing up the rear. Trying to finagle the money out of Sister Betty right under the knowing noses of three pastors who really know and serve God is going to be the biggest challenge the Reverend has ever faced…and one that just might set him on the path to reclaiming the true spirit of faith. It seems that even from the grave, Mother Eternal is still pulling strings, and her bequest is about more than just money; it’s about the kind of gift that transforms the spiritually bankrupt into the truly rich.

Once again, Pat G’Orge Walker tells a tale that feels as good as sitting in a sun-drenched pew on Sunday morning, surrounded by family and friends. As entertaining as any of her sold-out Sister Betty performances around the country and on Gospel Today, as heartwarming as Sister Betty’s Bible-found wisdom, Mother Eternal Ann Everlastin’ Is Dead is a share-with-friends novel, filled with laughter and the message of God’s love.

Pat G’Orge-Walker, writer and Christian comedienne, is a columnist with Gospel Synergy Magazine, a BWA Gold Pen 2000 Innovative Writer award recipient, and a featured performer on Gospel Today Television. She lives in Elmont, New York, with her family.

View Chapter